Life with the Outers
by FlorLola
Summary: Ever wondered what life in the Outer Manor is like? Set after Galaxia, take a peek at the almighty Outers' every day life. One-shots. Completely pointless. Rated M for implied subjects.
1. You are your planet

**Disclaimer** I'm still broke, and I don't own anything. Sailor Moon and all its characters belong to the one and only Naoko Takeuchi. I'm just a girl with a wide imagination here... so please don't sue me!

**You are your planet**

**Summary:** Michiru is in the mood, but her fellow Senshi get into the most ridiculous argument, getting her all distracted from her original plan. How to get back on track, when Haruka is being completely unaware of the aquamarine haired woman's intentions?

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I took a sip from my green tea, as I flip the pages of the Bible. A.K.A., Cosmopolitan magazine.

I know, so typically girly. But I am a girl. Ok, I'm nineteen already, but adolescence is considered to last until the mid twenties, so by that alone, I still have a few more years to act all girly. Which I don't, anyway. And really, there's no harm in reading a nice magazine, right? Specially when there's so many good advices on fashion, make up, cool places to hang out, and all that kind of interesting stuff... Like this one over here. 'Tricks to surprise your man'.

I bet I look like the Grinch right now, grinning like a maniac, just by reading the tittle of this particular column.

Very productive column, may I say. Ok, so I don't have a 'man', and I really don't want one. But I do know one particular tall blonde woman that would most certainly appreciate these little tricks here... Lets see... what do I need? Sexy lingerie. Covered. Handcuffs? Hm... I can pull that off. Blindfold? I'm really liking this already... Just imagining her whimpering and pleading, twisting that perfect body of hers...

Oh yes, folks, you heard me right. The almighty Sailor Uranus, _begging_. And she makes such a pretty, sexy sight, too! And on those moments, she looks so beautiful, so feminine, with her soft gasps and moaning... Ok, I'm getting horny now. Hm... I wonder how long until Hotaru goes to bed...

Damn, it's still too early to send her to bed. Maybe I can just kidnap my woman... Yup, that sounds about right. Now, where is my hot sexy blonde when I need her? I'm really looking forward to see her whimpering and gasping and moaning, with her shining, sweating skin brushing against mine, and her perfect...

A really loud scream interrupts my current chain of thoughts, and I look up at my daughter frowning, but actually worried over her desperate cry.

"What is it, sweetie?" I ask her, worried upon noticing her big, beautiful violet eyes watering, as she stares at the computer screen with a petrified, terrified expression on her pretty little face.

She looks at me, sniffling, and then looks back at the screen. An accusing, trembling finger pointing at the screen.

"I lost my rings!" she whimpers.

"What?" comes Setsuna's voice from the hallway. Apparently, she heard the scream too, and she looks just as worried and confused as I'm sure I look "What are you talking about?"

"What happened?" comes my girl's voice as she runs into the living room. Shirt half buttoned up, short blonde hair wiping wet. No pants. And she's not wearing a bra either, I can tell. I mean, I know her body as well as I know mine -maybe even more, considering the many, many, _many_ hours I have spent exploring it....

Yup, my sexy blonde just got out of the shower, and was in the middle of getting dress when she heard Hotaru's scream. And she looks so damn hot right now!

Bad Michiru! Focus! Your daughter is crying! No time to think about Haruka being half naked!

"I lost my rings!" Hotaru repeats, before she covers her face with her hands "I'm ugly!"

"Huh?" Haruka, in one of her not-so-smart moments, asks, standing right beside her and looking at the screen to find out what exactly has provoke such a scream from our daughter. And then she rolls her green eyes, hand over her chest "Don't' scare me like that! I thought there was an attack or something!"

"But Haruka-papa! This is worst!" Hotaru argues "Without them I'm just... ugly!"

Ok, now I'm really lost. What rings? What is she talking about? I got up and walk up to them. Setsuna is already there, reading whatever it is Hotaru red, and she's discreetly trying not to laugh.

And then I read it. 'Saturn's rings are disappearing'. I frown at the first lines, but then I smile and look down at my still scared looking daughter "Sweetie, it's just an optical illusion. See? It says so right here" I point to her some paragraphs below the head tittle for her to relax a little.

"I don't care!" she exclaims "Don't you get it, Michiru-mama? Without my rings, I'm just a plain stupid ball of gas floating out there!"

"Ok, first of all, you're not plain and stupid" Setsuna states, and I have to fully agree with her. But Hotaru's going through her very first period; after all that growing old and young back and forth for so long, she's finally being a normal girl. She's thirteen now, and because she has her period right now, she's not only PMS, she's also being extremely sensitive about every single little thing.

Oh, my little girl is growing up! And at a normal rate, too!

"And second" Setsuna continued "you're Sailor Saturn, not the planet itself..."

"Yeah, Setsuna's right" Haruka interrupts. And by the grin on her face, I _know_ she's about to play a joke on someone "I mean, look at Pluu here. She's not a dwarf, is she?" she turns towards Setsuna, looking her up and down. And I bet she's enjoying way too much the height difference between them right now "Are you?"

"Of course not!" Setsuna exclaims, narrowing her eyes at my lovely, and right now quite mean looking girlfriend "And don't call me that!"

"What?" Haruka asks, and I find it really hard to fight down my giggles "Dwarf, or Pluu?"

"Pluu!" she answers. But then she frowns, and growls "Both!" she yells now.

"Why would she be a dwarf?" Hotaru asks, so innocently. Only to make Haruka's grin get bigger. Is it me, or there are actually little red horns popping out from her forehead right now? I swear, if she comes up with Lucifer's trident, I won't be surprised...

"Because, you see, astronomers just discovered Pluto is actually a dwarf planet" she explains, in such a tone of voice that she's making Setsuna quite angry at her. And, of course, she knows that. She's doing it on purpose "That means is just a wannabe, but not the real thing..."

"Oh, shut up, you ice giant!" Setsuna growls at her, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Hey!" I exclaim. I'm offended by that. I'm an ice giant too! At least, according to astronomers... why am I having this argument?

"Pluto is not a real planet, then?" Hotaru ask. Really, sweetie, don't get your Haruka-papa more arguments to annoy poor Sets here...

"Yes it is!" Setsuna claims, exasperated.

"No, it's not" my blonde girlfriend says, looking quite amused over the stupid argument.

And I find myself being just as amused as she is. Really, stupid arguments between these two are quite the entertainment. I mean, really, watching two grown women fighting over stupid things, like the domain of the remote control, or why the scenes on 'the fast and the furious' are completely unrealistic, or even which ice cream flavor is the best to drown in when one is on a lazy mood, is completely and utterly stupid and funny.

And of course, those arguments are our dirty little secrets. I mean, we're the Outer Senshi, for crying out loud! We're suppose to be mature and sophisticated and poised! Right? So, we keep the intimacy of our home to ourselves.

"Here, let's check it up on the internet" Haruka says, going to some on line encyclopedia "See? Right here. Pluto is the second largest known dwarf planet in the Solar System. Classified as a planet from its discovery in 1930 until 2006, Pluto is now considered the largest member of a distinct population called the Kuiper belt" she reads. And then she frowns "Hey! So you're not just a wannabe! You're an outsider!" she exclaims.

"Excuse me?" Setsuna asks, now obviously offended.

"Intruder" Haruka accuses.

"Ruka, baby, really..." I try to shut her up. But I can tell she's nowhere near done messing with Setsuna. She's in the right kind of mood to mess with the Time Senshi, and here I am, in the right kind of mood to ravish my windy girl! I think we really need to synchronize our mind frequencies...

"At least I'm not a stupid giant ball of gas that rotates to the wrong side" Setsuna argues.

"It's called axial tilt" Haruka states "Or being original. It's up to you" she adds, looking quite proud of that one fact.

I just look at them, frowning. When did they become such experts in astronomy, anyway?

"But I shouldn't really be surprised at that one, now should I?" Setsuna says, arms crossed over her chest, and looking all smugly right now "I mean, you _do_ rotate to the other side, don't you?"

Should I be offended by that? Mm... I wonder... I look at Haruka, to see her only response is one perfect blonde eyebrow going up.

"Hey, check this out!" Hotaru exclaims, getting our attention to her again "Modern interpretations associate Uranus with sudden and unexpected changes, freedom and originality. It is said to upset established structures, being unconventional, and it's often associated with homosexuality"

"Again, not surprised here" Setsuna murmures, her own eyebrow going up, and looking at Haruka. "They got that one right"

"Are you trying to insult me here?" Haruka asks, looking everything but insulted. She actually looks quite amused.

Ok, I have to admit, that description does sound a lot like Haruka... even thou it is only astrology mambo jambo.

"'Cause really, it's not working" she continues, one finger tapping on her chin in a wondering manner, and looking at Hotaru for help "Why am I not offended here, again?"

"Because you _are_ unconventional, and free spirited, and homosexual" Hotaru answers, nodding her head and looking all proud at her papa.

Really, those two can be terrible when they want to...

"Right! That's why!" she exclaims, her smile a happy smile now, turning back to Setsuna and crossing her arms over her chest "You really need to work on your insults, Pluu"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Sure thing, Dwarf "

"That too!"

"Hey, we're just stating facts about each planet. You just happen to be a fake one"

Setsuna growls at her, narrowing her eyes, before she extends her hand, and her Time Staff appears in her hand.

And that's when I freak out. 'Cause, really, how am I suppose to try those new tricks I just red about, when Haruka is busy in the fifteenth century? Or worse, being hit by that asteroid that killed the dinosaurs!

I kinda like her here with me, you know? So I can use her as my pillow -among _other_ things I can use her as... And I happen to be in love with this mean blonde, so I can't really let her go into God knows what century or parallel universe, leaving me behind and all alone, right? So, stopping the mad woman with the Time Staff is priority right now!

I jump in between them, right in front of Haruka, and facing Setsuna. The Time Staff is now pointing at me, and I gulped.

Maybe going back in time and meeting Michelangelo is not that bad, if Haruka is with me, right? Could be interesting! And maybe we can make the whole facing dinosaurs a nice training program or something. I mean, youmas usually look like those, don't they? Big, ugly, with unclean mouths and no brain whatsoever. Right? Only, you know, smaller...

What am I thinking! Focus, Michiru, focus!

"Ok, time off!" I exclaim. And then I frown at how ironically fitting that one phrase is...

"If Haruka-papa is an unconventional gay woman, and Setsuna-mama is a dwarf, and I'm loosing my rings... then I _am _ugly!" Hotaru exclaims, getting our attention again.

I roll my eyes. I think I need a vacation. Away from all of them!

"No, sweetie" I say to my daughter "Setsuna is not a dwarf, and you're not ugly, because, we're not freaking planets! We are people!"

"But I..." Haruka starts to say something, but I clap my hand to her mouth, shutting her up before she can say anything at all.

"And Saturn is not loosing its rings, it's just an optical illusion" I continue, before looking at Setsuna and at the Time Staff still pointing at us "And you, Sets, really. You should know better than to listen to Haruka"

"But she's our leader" Hotaru points out. And I swear I never wanted to scream at her so much, as I do right now.

But instead, I take a deep breath "No, Sailor Uranus is our leader" I say, trying to sound rational, and ignoring how stupid I actually sound right now "Haruka is just a mean, bored out of her mind, crazy woman in deep need of an attitude change"

"Hm!" I hear Haruka complaining against my hand, and even though I'm not looking at her right now, I _know_ she's looking at me with the most insulted face ever. Oh, don't worry, love, I'm sure I can come up with a way or two to make you forget all about me insulting you. Which reminds me...

"Put that thing away" I say to Setsuna "I'm gonna have a little chat with the mean, crazy blonde right now" I announce, dragging Haruka all the way up the stairs.

I just sounded convincing, didn't I? I mean, they probably think Haruka and I are about to have an argument, which means they'll stay away from our bedroom until we decided to come out again...

Perfect. Just perfect! I grin like a maniac, and I completely ignore the hurt, insulted, worried look Haruka is giving me right now, as I drag her all the way down the hallway.

"Ouch, Michi!" Haruka complains at my strong hold on her wrist "That hurts, you know?" she says, and then she frowns at me, her shoulders falling down "Are you mad at me?" she asks, in a husky whisper.

And between us, I _love_ her husky voice! It's just so damn sexy! But no need to tell her that just yet, right? Where's the surprise factor if I tell her that?

"Oh, shut up" I say in such a tone, that she actually does exactly that. I bet she's really worried now. I'm mean, I know. But, hey! She's going to be really, really happy with me dragging her all the way to our bedroom in about two minutes... right?

We enter our room, and Haruka reluctantly walks in, sitting on the bed and looking up at me with those beautiful green eyes of hers. Yup, she's really worried I'm going to explode on her.

Oh, baby, you look so cute just now! I simply turn around, locking the door just in case one of our roommates decides to check on me not killing the blonde woman. It happened before... so it's best if I'm careful, right?

"I was just joking around..." Haruka mumbles, falling down on the bed now, looking up at the ceiling. Her hands playing mindlessly with her short blonde hair.

I smile at her words, as my eyes catch Haruka's black kerchief laying on the floor. I do need a blindfold, don't I? I take the kerchief, walking up to my lovely girlfriend, my smile never fading, and turning into quite a mischievous one.

"Oh, don't worry, babe" I say to her "You just gave me the perfect excuse to kidnap you and try a new little trick on you" I continue, as I straddle her, looking down at her surprised face.

"Oh?" she asks, now with a half sided smile on her sexy, sexy lips "Am I being punished now?"

"Oh yeah" I answer her, bending down to kiss her deeply, my hands going to her face to cover her eyes with the kerchief.

It's time to punish my favorite blonde. I did say I enjoy watching her whimpering and pleading, didn't I?


	2. Childhood trauma

**Childhood trauma**

**Summary **A peaceful, family moment gets completely ruin when Sailor Neptune arrives, wanting to wipe off the phase of the earth... what exactly is she fighting against? And why is everyone looking at her as if she's gone completely nuts? Has she? Read and find out!

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I'm happily and peacefully chopping some carrots off, shaking my ass and singing to Mika's 'Love today' while preparing tonight's dinner for my lovely -weird, dysfunctional, crazy, all of the above?- family.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my family. Dearly. Deeply. They're the best family any girl could ever ask for. But, to be completely honest with you, we really are weird and crazy. I mean, how many families do you know, who's members are able to manipulate time, or the wind, or the sea, or heal wounds, or destroy a planet? All, in the blink of an eye! None, right? That's what I thought.

Oh, you're wondering about the dysfunctional part? Well, I can't really tell you that, because, you see, I really don't want to be chase down by three proud, angry Senshi. The four of us are, after all, quite jealous of our little private world. But I will tell you this much; if I ever decide to write a book about us, it'd make the funniest, craziest book ever. And I bet my publisher would want to tag it as fictional... Anyway, if you stay around long enough, you might be able to see what I mean... Trust me. Normal moments, in this house, never last longer than five minutes...

I know I make a pretty funny, ridiculous scene, dancing around in our kitchen, and singing along with a song that is quite catchy, but as far as I'm concerned, it has no point at all. But I still like it! It's a happy, funny song, anyway. And currently, while I'm cooking, and dancing, and singing -and looking quite stupid, I know!-, I'm being my papa's entertainment.

Oh, well, she makes a nice audience, anyway. There she is, sitting on one of the booths by the counter, the book she was reading long forgotten, as she laughs and claps her hands at my little dancing-singing act. Yup, my papa makes a _great_ audience, all by herself!

Oh, I didn't tell you? My papa is a woman. A pretty one, at that. In her very own, unique kind of way, she's a beautiful woman. Even though she doesn't quite like it when anyone says that to her... she really needs to learn how to take compliments...

You wondering why I call a woman my papa? Well, see, when I was a little kid -which was like, a year ago...-, I guess in my mind I saw her as a guy, because of the way she sometimes dresses herself. And she has this undeniable passion for cars and bikes -and pretty much anything with a fast engine, really-, and whenever she's around those, she pretty much acts like a guy. Only, you know, with boobs.

So, when I finally started talking -again, a year ago- I called her papa. And then I just kept on calling her that. It's sort of a habit now. And she doesn't seem to mind that much. Actually, I think she really, really likes it. And I think it's really cute seeing her melt down into a nice puddle whenever I call her that. She's such a soft-bighearted person! Although I know she would probably rather die than ever admit to that one...

Anyway! She's a woman, and she's my papa. And she rocks at it! She's awesome! Best dad ever! And -this is the best part- she's great at spoiling me! Ok, maybe the fact that I can always use my puppy eyed look on her and get whatever I want might have something to do with it...

Hey, hey now! Don't you _dare_ getting any ideas, she's _my_ papa! And I don't like to share her!

Ok, I do share her with my momma. But that's a completely different story... one that I really _don't_ want to know the details of...

So, like I was saying, I'm making dinner tonight. You see, Makoto's been giving me some cooking lessons, so now it's time to show off my new skills. And this is, in my book, a happy family moment -even though it's just my papa and I right now. So I don't really mind the tiny little fact that she's not laughing _with_ me, but rather _at_ me. Besides, I'm in a really good mood, so, no harm done here.

And I did laugh at her a couple of times, so I guess it's only fair, right? Remember that 'dysfunctional family' thing I said earlier? Keep that in mind... so yeah, I had laughed my heart out at her quite a lot.

I guess she's kind of 'returning the favor' at me now... not that I mind. I mean, I _am_ making a fool out of myself, quite on purpose. So of course I get all worried when, out of the blue, she froze and a frown decorates her former smiling face.

I stop my dancing and singing, and look at her, frowning too "What is it, papa?" I ask her.

She looks at me, standing up from her sitting position "Neptune" it's all the explanation I get from her, before she rushes out of the kitchen, leaving me blinking surprised, behind her.

Let me translate what just happened in normal, civilian words. My papa just sensed Sailor Neptune. Which means, my momma just transformed. I swear, the connection between those two amazes me to no ends.

Now, I wonder, if Sailor Neptune is out there fighting, why didn't I sense any danger at all? That's weird... So, of course, I run right after my papa, all the way out of the kitchen, through the living room, and out to our back yard. Transforming into Sailor Saturn in the process.

And there she is, Sailor Neptune. With Sailor Uranus looking at her with an incredulous look upon her face, as Neptune is currently screaming bloody murder at only God knows what...

"Where is it?" Uranus asks, obviously looking for the youma Neptune is currently cursing after.

"Fucking, ugly monster!" she yells, pointing at something at the very far end of the back yard.

"Would you please, stop yelling?" Setsuna-mama says, rolling her eyes "You're over reacting"

Ok, that's really weird, now. Why is she on her civilian form?

"No, I'm not!" Neptune yells back at Setsuna-mama, looking pissed off, and kind of terrifying too, before she turns around to look right at Uranus "Do something!"

Obviously, Uranus saw something I'm still not quite seeing, because she's laughing now. Wait, she's laughing? What the f... Uh-oh, someone is in trouble...

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Neptune asks, yelling, and looking really mad at Uranus "Kill it already!" she demands. But when Uranus keeps on laughing -though she really is trying not to- she just growls, turns around, and lifts her arms up in the air "Fine! I'll do it myself!"

"No, wait!" Uranus says, jumping at her and stopping her for gathering all her powers "You can't kill it!"

"Watch me!" she answers back, fighting her "Freaking, ugly, disgusting beasts, they all deserve to die!"

"Sailor Neptune!" Setsuna-mama yells at her, scolding her "You can't kill an innocent creature, no matter how ugly you think it is! You know better than that!" she points out, hands on her hips "Besides, what are you going to do, exactly? You can't use your Deep Submerge. They can't drown, you know..."

Neptune smiles at her. A really twisted, menacing smile, at that "But it's sea water. With _salt_" she states "They don't like salt, do they?"

Ok, you know what? I have absolutely no idea what the hell they're all talking about... And, is it me, or Neptune is sounding quite sadistic right now? She's starting to look really scary...

That is, until I noticed what exactly she is trying to kill. I hear a very unique singing, and then I see a distant little green thing jumping around. And now I really understand why Sailor Uranus laughed at Neptune. Because, honestly, I'm finding it really, really hard not to laugh at her. But _unlike_ Uranus, I know when not to mess with my Michiru-mama...

"Why do you want to kill it, anyway?" Uranus asks, trying to calm down the raging Senshi of the Seas "Baby, it's just a frog"

The aqua Senshi turns to look at Uranus, and suddenly I'm really, really glad I'm still at the door frame... where it's safe! Far, far away from a crazy looking Sailor Neptune...

"Just a frog?" she repeats "Just a frog?!" she yells now "It's a disgusting beast! With stinky, ugly skin, eating bugs with its hideous tong, and to top it off, they ate my soother!"

Ok, ladies and gentlemen, my momma has gone officially mad!

Lets get this straight, shall we? Sailor Neptune is a graceful, strong Senshi, truly, deeply dedicated to her duty. She embraces her destiny, and goes right on, not doubting for a second, when it comes to face the enemy. It doesn't really matter what danger awaits for her, she always face the enemy, and it doesn't really matter if its a nasty -and often ugly, and quite dangerous- youma, an insane, alien lady wanting to take over the world -ok, that was me, but hey! I was posses! And it's another story, anyway-, or if it's the strongest Senshi in the entire universe gone mad...

She has never, ever, lost her poise. Not once. And yet, here we are, with her gone completely mad over a simple, tiny, innocent little frog. Who would've guessed all it takes to make the graceful Sailor Neptune look like a crazy maniac is a frog? A _frog_, people! Of all things!

And isn't she a little too old to be using a soother, anyway?

Really, and then I'm suppose to be the kid here... Remember that whole 'dysfunctional family' thing? Exhibit number one, your Honor...

"They ate your soother?" Setsuna repeats, frowning "What was on that ice tea of yours, exactly?"

"I'm not high, you dumbass!" Neptune exclaims, insulted now "I'm being serious here! Those things ate my shooter, and I hate them for it!"

"Ok, honey, calm down" Uranus tries to, well, soothe her... "Lets get inside, and just... calm down, ok?" she says, in that calming voice of hers. She's really good at calming someone down. Specially my momma. And me, when I was afraid of the dark... but what kid doesn't, at some point or another? It's only normal!

"Are you gonna get rid of it?" she asks, in a child like tone of voice, and looking at Uranus with such a pleading look upon her big blue eyes, I swear I can actually _see_ Sailor Uranus melting down right now...

And the people would like to present to you exhibit number two, your Honor. Haruka, A.K.A., Sailor Uranus, being all softy, right there! If the camera would please follow me... can I get a spotlight here, please? Yes, right there! Such a pretty Kodak moment!

"I'll handle it" Setsuna-mama says, looking at us "You just detrasnform and go inside already"

I decided is best to listen to Setsuna-mama here, who at this particular moment, is the one and only voice of reason. So, I turn back into nice little Hotaru again, and so does Uranus, and we guided a still somewhat angry, but mostly preoccupied Neptune back inside the house.

"Michi" Haruka-papa calls out to her, caressing her arm with one hand, as Neptune takes a look outside, before turning back at my papa with tearful eyes, and pouting.

She's pouting. And crying. Over a frog... did she and our Princess have some kind of body exchange, and I'm not aware of it? I must have missed that memo, right? Did I just entered the twilight zone here?

"They're ugly" she mumbles, looking down now, as turning back into Michiru. But only on the outside. She's still a complete stranger, as far as I know! Because that weird, whimpering woman is _not_ my momma!

"I know, baby, I know"

"And mean" she adds, still looking down, and letting my papa held her tight.

My papa and I exchange glances, and I just shake my shoulders. Hey, I'm just as lost as you are, here! So don't look for me to give you magical answers!

They both take a seat on the couch, and I sit on the coffee table, looking right at my momma as she tries to calm herself down, taking deep breaths. And right before any of us could say anything at all, Setsuna-mama walks right in, looking everything but pleased with the poor Aqua Senshi...

"Can you explain to me what the hell is wrong with you?" she demands, hands on her hips "You're a grown woman, for God's sake! What on earth do you think you're doing, attacking a poor little frog?"

"They ate my soother!" my Michiru-mama exclaims, defending herself.

"What?" Setsuna-mama asks, frowning now, and just as lost as I am.

"Baby, what are you talking about?" my papa asks, still using that calming tone of hers, just to avoid getting Michiru-mama all mad again...

"They ate my soother!" she exclaims again "I remember it perfectly! I was two years old and spending the summer at some lake with my parents, and one morning I woke up, and my mom told me a frog ate my soother!" she explains "And I just sat there on a chair, my legs hanging in the air and all, crying, and looking at my soother all cut off!"

"And you remember that?" Haruka-papa asks, quite surprised at the little tale. And really, how does she remember something that happened to her when she was two years old? Talk about distant memories!

"Yes! I remember looking at my cute, pink, perfect little soother, completely ruined because of one of those beasts!" she whines.

"I don't get it... they eat rubber too?" I ask, still kind of lost.

"Of course not!" she pretty much yells at me "My mom cut it off with her scissors, but that's what she told me because I spent the entire summer completely terrified of those green things!" she exclaims.

You know what happens when a grown woman gives you such a lame explanation? Now, please keep in mind that this particular grown woman just put up a tantrum, so exploding on her is probably not the best way to go right now. So, what do we do? We blink at her. As simple as that.

We blink, and if you look close enough, you might be able to see the 'WTF?' signs in our foreheads.

"Ok, let me get this right" Setsuna-mama says, a hand massaging her temple "Your mother told you that story in order to get you out of using your soother, but you're still afraid of frogs, and you want to kill every single one of them so you can get your revenge?"

"Yes, exactly!" Michiru-mama exclaims. And when we all look at her, in a total of six eyebrows raised up, she shakes her shoulders, lowering her eyes "It's a childhood trauma, ok? And I hate those ugly, mean, soothers eating beasts..." she mumbles, looking for shelter in my papa's chest.

I smile at that. My momma looks so cute right now. Ridiculous, but cute.

"Hotaru, go and finish dinner" Setsuna-mama says to me, and considering all the 'action' is pretty much over, I simply nod my head and make my way back to the kitchen.

It's not like there's anything left to see. They'd probably stay like that for a little while, with my papa making my momma forget all about frogs and soothers... Hey, I did tell you normal moments never last more than five minutes, so don't you dare looking at me as if I'm surrounded by crazy people!

Which I am. But they're _my_ crazy people! And if you think this is nuts, you should really see one of our Senshi meetings... Sometimes I'm really worried about the future of human kind... and earth itself! But Setsuna-mama seems pretty confident about that. And well, lets just say she knows _a lot_ of things...

Speaking of which, she just entered the kitchen, shaking her head and murmuring something I can't quite catch. She looks at me, and smiles one of those reassuring, sweet smiles of hers.

"You might want to make dinner for two" she says to me "It's just you and me now, sweetie"

Ok, I got the message. And I'm so not going to ask for any detail! Yup, my papa is really good at calming my momma down, and make her forget all about frogs and soothers... and the entire world around them, for that matter...

Remember when I said I share my papa with my momma? Well, what can I say? Exhibit number three, your Honor.

I turn on the volume a little bit louder, so I won't listen to anything but Mika's songs. They're probably bumping up like bunnies right now...

* * *

Ok, just for the record, that whole 'frog eating my soother' story, it's true! That's what MY mom said to me when I was a kid! And I DO remember sitting on the chair, right next to the table, looking at my poor, lovely soother.... and crying my little eyes out! So, yeah, I hate frogs....


	3. Home alone

So, today, October 27th, is my B-day! Yes, people, I'm officially 'an adult' (what ever THAT means....). I have reached the sweet, tender age of 26! I'm still a baby!

Anyway, to celebrate, here's another crazy story.... hope you like it!

**Home alone**

**Summary **What does a Senshi do with her time, when she find herself home alone on a saturday morning? Take a look into the mind of one of these strong warriors... and find out her dirty little secrets

* * *

I've been laying here for at least thirty minutes now, trying to force myself to go back to sleep. But, apparently, and although my body is more than willing to do exactly that, my mind has other plans. And do you know what happens when you're laying sprawled all over your own bed, trying to make your body and your mind to come to terms and sleep? Do you? No? Well, let me tell you.

You turn around, and around, and around. For thirty minutes.

Of course the fact that I'm alone right now has a lot to do with it. I wonder if they left me any coffee... Only one way to find out. Ok, I'm getting up. Just let me gather my courage...

I buried my face on the pillow I'm hugging, only to breath in a perfume that it's not mine. Mm... I love her perfume... it's not really her perfume, it's Her. Her smell. A delicious, sexy mix of the sea -she always smells like the sea-, the vanilla and coconut shampoo that she keeps _borrowing _from me, and that perfume I gave her... Normally, I would be hugging her, instead of a pillow that smells of her. But she's not here, so hugging her pillow it is.

Ok, get up. You're talking to yourself, you're _fighting_ with yourself, and you're daydreaming... dear Lord, I think I'm turning into Usagi! Get up! You need caffeine, and you need to get out of this bed! Ok, I'm getting up. I am, I swear. On three.

One... two...

I fight down the sheets that keep me prisoner in my own bed, kicking them away, and got up. I rearrange my panties, the damn thing has a habit of getting up my ass every single morning. Or at least, every single morning I wake up with any clothing at all... but that's another story...

Anyway, I rearrange the damn thing, and I can't help it but smile when I catch myself on the mirror. What can I say? I find the image of my own ass half covered by the white with yellow strips hipster quite funny. Not because I find my ass funny -I have a great ass, if I may say so myself-, but this particular piece of underwear was a gift from my dear, loving girlfriend. I was actually surprised when she gave it to me. She always says she prefers those cheeky lace-trim hiphuggers on me. Or a thong, but that's just her being a pervert -not that I mind... At all! I actually love it when she turns into a naughty little vixen... Oh, those are the moments!

But she gave me this hipster for Valentine's day. And it's yellow -aren't Valentine's items suppose to be pink, or red?-, and it has a yellow heart on the front, right over my... ehem... _private_ area, with bold letters that read 'Shape of love'.

Oh yeah. My dear, loving girlfriend has quite the sense of humor. A naughty sense of humor. Specially when it comes to, well, me. And the fact that the strips on the white cotton somehow resemble your typical sailor style, only adds to the inside joke.

The black polka dot tank top I slept with has absolutely nothing to do with my hipster. I look quite ridiculous, actually. But, hey! I just woke up! Yes, I sleep in my underwear, you have a problem with that? Do I sleep with you? No. So back off!

So, anyway, my sense of fashion on this particular morning -ok, mid morning- would instantly kill any fashion lover. But like I said, I just woke up, and I'm alone now, so there's no need for a robe. And it's summer, so the light clothing is needed, right?

And I actually like the feel of my breasts bumping against the soft material of my tank top. I bet my girlfriend would _luv_ the sight too -you know, no bra, and my boobs moving freely all over the place? Specially considering that, most of the times, I like to wear comfy, cotton sport bras that make my boobs look smaller than what they actually _are_, so she doesn't really get to see them dancing freely all that much when we're not busy doing _other_ things...

What can I say? She has a thing for my breasts. Actually, she has a thing for my entire body- _so _not complaining here-, but she's not home now, and my girls need some freedom from time to time. So I just declared today is Independence Day.

Or at least it will be, until someone gets back home and forces me to act decent and put some clothes on... it's not like I'm a nudist or anything. And I'm not the kind of person who dances around butt naked around the house. I'm actually a private person. And shy -don't tell anyone that! There's only one person I allowed to see me with my birth suit, and one person only. Of course, it's kind of obvious for her to see me naked, right? I mean, where's the fun with all the clothes on? They only get in the way of... I'm off track again, aren't I?

Great, I'm still arguing with myself. I really need coffee. Now. Off I go, down the stairs and into the kitchen. And there it is, the needed nectar to get my body -and my mind- working a little bit more rationally. I pour myself a cup, a big one, and walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs again, wondering if I should do some cleaning...

I took a peek into Hotaru's bedroom and rolled my eyes. I swear that girl would be the end of me. Put all my bad habits, multiply then by ten thousand, and that's not even close to how messy that girl can be. She's even worse than me -and that alone is saying a lot. And her bedroom looks like it's been hit by a tornado.

I walked back into my own room, and into the in suite bathroom, only to find a still wet towel thrown in the middle of the floor. Why get a carpet, when we have towels, right? And they say I'm the messy one... Oh, there it is! The lovely, sexy, wet, black lacy thong. Hanging from the tap on the shower. And let me tell you, hanging form there, it's everything but sexy. And there's also an empty shampoo bottle laying in there -_my _shampoo bottle, of course, the vanilla and coconut one? She borrowed it again. Not that I mind, it actually smells great on her, but was it absolutely necessary for her to leave the empty bottle right there? I bet she was in a real hurry this morning...

That convinced me. Yup, it's cleaning time. But first things first. I need to get in the cleaning mood. And there's only one way to do that. So I grab my laptop and go downstairs again, walking to the stereo and looking for the damn USB so I can connect my laptop to the loudspeakers. I red once that around ninety five percent of housewives in London listen to Queen while cleaning. Something about a certain, happy kind of song helping them get in the cleaning mood -and probably shaking their ass and singing along with it. Now, normally, I never agree with those stupid studies and polls, because, well, I'm not so easy to put a tag on. I can be many different things, all at once, and that makes me kind of hard to fit into any given mold. And I'm quite happy with that, actually. I like being unconventional. I love being me. Ask anyone.

But I have to go with the flow on this one, and I have to say, I totally agree with this one poll. Not that I would listen to Queen, of course. Nothing against Freddy -he was the man, alright- but I really don't see myself washing the dishes while listening to 'we are the champions'... Nope. I'm more the 'girl power' kind of listener. Guessed you saw that one coming, huh?

Besides, I don't live in London... Ok, on with the track list! Lets see... what do I have here? The Hole, Garbage, Pink, Alanis Morissette, a little Gloria Gaynor -don't you love that 'I will survive' song?-, Fiona Apple. Of course I have other things too, along with some stupid songs I find quite catchy and... Hold on a second! Puzzycat Dolls? How on earth did that ended up in _my _laptop? A flash of a black haired, violet eyed, teenage girl pups into my head, and I know the answer. Oh well... lets just put it on shuffle and be done with it.

I go to Hotaru's bedroom again, changing the sheets on her bed and putting new, clean ones. I put her school uniform in her wardrobe, along with some shoes and pants that I bet she tried on this morning only to threw them out in less than five minutes -I swear, Minako is a really bad influence on my daughter! Everything else that's laying on the floor goes to the wash machine. I put her books on a pile at her desk, open up the windows and curtains to let in some daylight, and then I took a look around. Hands on my hips, I nodded to myself upon the well done job.

My hand reaches out to open Setsuna's bedroom door, but I hesitate. She's been really busy lately with some paper for college. That woman amazes me. Really. How come she needs to take summer class to _gain_ time? I mean, it's Setsuna we're talking about here. She has all the time in the world! Literally! I bet she's been at the library since the most unholy hour this morning, and she'll be there until they kick her out.

I open the door, and her room looks clean and shiny. Except for her desk, which looks like a miniature of what Hotaru's bedroom looked like just a while ago. Only worse. But, like I said, she's been busy with paper work lately. And I have learned -the very bad, hard way- not to mess with her stuff when she's under pressure. And a pissed off Setsuna is something I really don't want to come across. Ever again. I rather fight Galaxia all over again than seeing Setsuna's magenta eyes radiating pure, raw fury at poor little old me.

Hell, I rather have Sailor Mars burn my ass with her sacred fire, or having Jupiter perform a home made electric chair with me as the chosen victim -not that she needs the chair at all, but you get the picture. Any possible torture any of the Senshi can come up with -and trust me, they can have some really twisted, crazy ideas... specially Jupiter... maybe that's why I like her so much- would be nothing, and I mean _nothing_, compared to a pissed off Setsuna.

See, I'm a fighter. I'm a soldier. I'm strong. I can kick youma ass pretty easily. I'm not afraid of facing death -I actually did that already, twice!- and I'm not afraid of getting injured because of some crazy lunatic wanting to take over the world. Been there, done that. But when it comes down to Setsuna on a hysterical race against time -you see the irony here?- because she has a dead line to meet, and there for lives out of coffee for over a week, with no sleep, no solid food and no human contact nor sunlight, I really don't want to be there.

Oh yeah. The strong, brave, fast, courageous Sailor Uranus is afraid of Setsuna Meioh. There, I said it. Laugh all you want. You wonder why? Well, I like my life. I like having a functional body, with two arms, two legs, and a total of ten fingers and ten toes. And all my teeth, too. And my eyes. I like my eyes. Both of them.

To put it simple, I like Me. And I like living on this city, on this century, and on this year. And I really _don't _want to end up being a dinosaur's meal. And that, my friends, is a threat she's more than capable to fulfill.

I can deal with a pissed off Sailor Pluto. Because, you see, Pluu -she _hates_ it when I call her that- is a rational woman. Duty and responsibility comes first. I like her. Really. She's nice and loyal, and everything a Senshi should be.

But I'm scared... No, not scared. Terrified. Yes, that's more like it. I'm _terrified_ of a pissed off Setsuna. I almost rather having her on a really bad PMS moment! Because a tired, cranky, hungry, bitchy Setsuna, who by all means looks like a zombie, with dark bags under her eyes, living on either her own bedroom or the library for days, is something everyone should be afraid of. Because she's not just your regular, every day, next door college student under pressure. Oh no. I could deal with that, if that were the case. One big punch or kick -or both- should get her senses back, right? But you really don't want to deal with a hysterical woman who can scream bloody murder at the top of her lungs when she can't find her own pencil -which of course, most of the times is holding up her long green hair...-, and then threatens with unspeakable tortures if you don't leave her, and her papers, alone. A hysterical -and there for, _completely_ irrational- woman who just happens to be the guardian of Time itself.

So Michiru, Hotaru and I learned to stay out of her way when she's like that. And there's no way in hell I'm touching her desk. If she can live in that mess, so can I! I just have to close the door, and I won't see it, anyway.

There, problem solved! Do you see a messy desk? I don't! Nope, everything's in order!

On to the next task! My bathroom! There's so much water around, one would think a pipe broke down or something. That is, if one has no knowledge whatsoever of a certain aquamarine typhoon I live with. Don't get me wrong, I love that woman to death! I absolutely adore her. But! When she's in a rush, you better be somewhere else or she'd run you over. And of course the shower, and there for the bathroom itself, it's always in her way. I almost feel sorry for the marble floor...

The scene usually goes like this. She wakes up with the alarm clock, turns it down, and holds me closer. She either kisses my cheek, or my jaw or my neck, and nuzzles deeper into the sheets. Of course I never complain about that. I love this woman, remember? Add to that the fact that on this particular scenario, I'm still pretty much asleep. So of course I easily forget all about the alarm clock and return the embrace, enjoying -loving!- the warm body wrapped around mine. That is, until She remembers about the alarm clock, and why she put it on in the first place.

And the race begins. She jumps out of the bed. Literally. She jumps up in the air, and flies her way into the bathroom. Leaving me laying on the bed, cold all of a sudden and wondering where the hell did my favorite perfumed pillow-slash-blanket went to. Until I hear the shower. Soon followed by her yelling at me for cuddling with her and distract her when I knew she had an appointment.

Now you tell me, how come it's _my_ fault? I was just sleeping! But every single person with a big enough brain on this planet knows when _not_ to argue with their significant other. I'm one of those few. So I never answer to her complaining; instead, I just lay there -quite amused, but don't tell her that-, while I listen to her running inside the bathroom. I often wonder how she does that, exactly. Really, it's not such a big room in the first place...

By the times she comes out, barely fifteen minutes later, towel around her body, another in her hand trying to dry her hair, she runs to the wardrobe and starts her search for clothes. Again, it's amazing how fast that woman can get dress when she wants to. And I find truly amazing how she manages to put on her underwear while still drying her hair with the towel, and looking for a fitting outfit, all at once. Multitasking indeed!

Anyway, the whole process lasts exactly twenty seven minutes. I know, I counted them. I'm still laying on the bed, remember? So throwing a glance to the clock every now and then it's really not that hard. And by the time she's finally done and ready to go, all I get is a peck on the lips, and off she goes. Leaving me, and a bathroom that resembles a war zone, behind.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I actually enjoy watching her desperately dancing around, half naked, hair dripping wet, fighting with her own pants or skirt or whatever she chooses to wear. And when she jumps around the bedroom because she's putting on her socks while trying to make her way to the vanity? Not to mention the way she looks while putting up a war with her panty hoes, that won't go all the way up because her legs are still wet. Priceless!

Watching the graceful, polite, calm, delicate Michiru on a fight against her very own clothes is quite the entertainment. Every time!

And I don't really mind the war zone she leaves behind. Not really. I mean, she puts up with my natural disasters too. And let me tell you, I can be any maid's nightmare. And she always cleans after me when I'm in a rush. It's kind of a tacit arrangement between us. I won't say anything about the way she completely messes up the bathroom, and she won't patronize me over leaving things everywhere but where they're suppose to go -like leaving the phone on the oven... but that was only once! Or emptying the entire wardrobe because I can't find that particular t-shirt, and then running off and out of the house without even bothering to clean my own mess.

Oh yeah. We're the perfect couple. Anyway, I still have to heal the wounds my lovely, sexy typhoon left on our bathroom. The wet towels -a total of four. Really, four? The wonders never cease- and her underwear go to the nice pile waiting on the hallway, along with Hotaru's sheets and clothes. I somehow manage to make it look decent again, with no small water pools around the place, no clothing or fabric of any other kind laying around. The sink looks clean, the shower is again in order, empty bottle long gone into the trash.

I'm good at cleaning when I want to be. I usually don't do the cleaning around here. Everyone looks after their own mess -except for Michiru and I; she cleans after me, I clean after her. But like I said before, I'm alone, and I really don't like living in a hell hole. So, I grab the pile waiting for me on the hallway, and make my way to the kitchen, and into the laundry room right next to it. Put the clothes on, start the washing process, and the dishes are next. So I grab the orange rubber gloves and get ready to get my hands all dirty. Figuratively speaking, of course. There's a reason why I put on the gloves, right?

But when I hear the first beats of a song I absolutely love, I stop dead on my tracks, and turn around, looking at the portion of the living room I'm able to see from my standing place in the kitchen. And so I walk out to my laptop, and I took a look around, already knowing there's no one there. I bet I even look like a kid about to steal the cookie jar.

I'm alone. Home alone. And do you know what the mouse does when the cat's not around? No? Let me show you, then.

I put the song from the beginning again, while turning the volume on. Really, really loud. I hear the first beats of the song again, and my ass starts moving on its own accord. I feel like Cameron Diaz on one of those movie scenes of hers, when she starts shaking her ass and dancing to some stupid song, wearing nothing but her underwear. Which I am. Wearing nothing but my underwear, I mean. Short blonde hair and everything! Only, my ass is nicer than hers, and my boobs are bigger -really, I don't get it how people say she has a perfect body... obviously, they never met Michiru. Obviously.

Anyway, my ass is shaking. Half covered by my white with yellow strips hipster. And I'm still wearing my polka dot tank top, and the orange rubber gloves. I bet I make a pretty funny scene right now. And I'm really glad there's no one home, as I keep on shaking my ass and I start singing along with Coyote Shivers. "_They all said she's just another groupie slut, and I said I thought you're anything but. Think again, sometimes reputations outlive their applications. And sometimes fires don't go out, when your done playing with them_"

Me. Singing -and dancing- to a stupid song I first heard when I was like... twelve... when I watched a stupid teen movie, _ages_ ago. This, my friends, is a high classified top secret! But what can I say? I love this song!

So, I sing. By now I start shaking my head, my ass still shaking, and I'm using a spoon as my microphone. Yup, I'm pathetic, I know. But I don't care, I just keep on singing "_I feel so funny deep inside, when you kiss me goodbye. Sugarhigh_"

And I jump around along with the beat of the drums. Here comes my favorite part! "_We could go out with out even leave the house. A TV set and a bottle of wine is just fine, making out on that old pull out couch, watching Saturday Night Live. I guess that's why I feel so funny deep inside, when I lick between your thighs. Sugarhigh_"

I start playing with my imaginary guitar, as I smile at the lyrics. I guess you can see why I like this song, right? And it's catchy, and jumpy, and I do feel all funny and sugarhigh when I lick my girl's thighs...

"_I have search both, far and wide, and I've explored the deepest caverns of my mind to try and find and explanation why I get this funny feeling deep inside_" I jump up on the couch, standing right in the middle of it, still holding my fake microphone in one hand, the other hand up in the air. Good thing I'm barefoot, otherwise the nice white couch would be totally ruined by now. But I'm barefoot, and I'm all by myself -no Setsuna to yell at me for acting like a kid! This is so fun! "_when you kiss me goodbye and when I lick between your thighs_"

And when I'm about to yelled along with Coyote here, something else catches my attention. I clearly hear a voice I know all to well saying "Well, the feeling is mutual" right behind me "Sugarhigh" she whispers.

Uh-oh. Busted! I turn around and fall down on my knees over the couch, all in one big jump, and look back at blue eyes and a mocking smile. I'm blushing. Badly! _Me_. _Blushing_! She's the only one able to pull that one off...

"You know, I was convinced I was going to find you still in bed" she says, crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow "But I think the sight of your ass shaking like that is a really nice welcoming party"

And I blush even more. I swear, all my blood is currently on my face.

"Um... I err... I was um..." I mumble. Great. How eloquent of me "Cleaning! Yeah, I was cleaning..."

She looks around, and then back at me. Eyebrow still up "Everything looks clean enough for me" she states. Yeah, well, I did clean! That's why everything looks fine! What, no thank you?

"You might wanna take those gloves off" she says.

"But the dishes..."

She takes my hand, making me get up from my kneeling position on the couch and guiding me all the way up the stairs. She turns around and winks at me "I'm about to give you a nice sugarhigh right now"

I smile at that. Ok, so maybe getting busted on a really embarrassing dancing session in my underwear is not that bad after all... I did managed to get Michiru into playtime mood by just shaking my ass, right? Note to self, do more ass shaking from now on... And she does have some thanking to do after I cleaned everything up...

My smile gets even bigger now. Maybe I'll even let her lick between _my_ thighs... Who am I kidding? Of course I'll let her! I can handle the dishes later -or even better, let someone else do it for me!-, because right now, I have a girlfriend to lick!

* * *

The song is "Sugarhigh" by Coyote Shivers (cool song, really!). And the movie she mentions is "Empire Records"


	4. Orders and recommendations

**The difference between an order and a recommendation**

**Summary:** Why is Haruka acting so out of character? And why is she camping on the living room couch? Most importantly, what does it take to make a powerful Senshi want to commit murder in the first degree? Read and find out!

* * *

"I'm fine, really" Haruka says, as she lays curled up on the couch, a blanket covering her long body.

I just stay there by the couch, next to the not-so-well-looking blonde, as I look at Mamoru's polite, but obviously concerned face. I think that's what I like the most about him. He's always so concerned about all of us. He'll make a great king one day.

Of course, I already know that for a fact. But you get my point, right?

Anyway, here we are, with Haruka still on the couch, blanket still covering her shivering, hot body. Let me tell you how the three of us ended up here.

Mamoru came to pick up Hotaru about twenty minutes ago. There's this new teen movie on theaters that everyone -meaning the media, and every single teenage girl I've come across the street, the subway, the bus...- has been talking about non stop. So, of course Hotaru wants to see it.

Mamoru, being such a nice guy, and quite a good father -although, technically, he's not a father _yet_- offered to take Hotaru and both Usagis to see the movie. So, he came to do just so, when my blonde friend over here opened the door for him.

So far, nothing out of the ordinary, right? Wrong. See, when the almighty, sometimes quite obnoxious, but never impolite Haruka opens the door for you, wearing trousers and a pullover in the middle of the summer, looking like a train just hit her, and without even saying hello she walks -more like crawls- over the couch again, no joke, no smile, no nothing, you just _know_ something's wrong.

I know many of you believe mankind is coming down the hill, and people are getting dumber by the minute. And sometimes, that's quite accurate. But our Prince is not the case. There are pretty good reasons as to why he is, after all, our Prince. One of them, of course, has to do with him being Endymion's reincarnation and being with our Princess. But he's also a smart guy. A smart guy who just happens to be a semester away from becoming a doctor. So, of course, he knew something was wrong with Haruka.

Ok, something's _always_ wrong with Haruka. I mean, it's Haruka! But we all love her the way she is, insanely crazy and all. So of course I don't like this weird, needy, whimpering person with puppy, shinning with fever, green eyes I'm staring at right now.

Out of all the miseries and injustice and pain in this world, there are three small things my strong blonde leader over here cannot handle. And considering the world is quite a big place, with problems just as big, that's really something, right? I actually admire this woman. I mean, look at her. She's a famous car racer, she's _literally_ as fast as the wind, she's really strong, a loyal friend, and she's a great Senshi. She's never afraid of facing the enemy and giving those busters a piece of her mind. And maybe even her fists.

Ok, _definitively_ her fists.

She just goes right on, whatever the cost, to fight the enemy and save the world.

She's a strong woman, and her emotions are just as strong. She loves deeply, and she hates with a passion. So, of course, when any of the three little things come along, her emotions about those are just as strong... so don't blame me for wanting to kill her right now! Honestly, for such a strong, independent woman, this is quite ridiculous.

"With some medicine and a good rest, you'll be as good as new" Mamoru says, smiling down at the tall blonde woman laying on the couch "It really is just a bad summer cold, that's all. So, no racing and no getting out of the house for now" he says, looking into green puppy eyes.

I smile. That single sentence is the worst thing one could ever say to Haruka. _Ever_.

But, coming from him and that tone of voice, she cannot refuse. She is, after all, a dedicated Senshi, and he is our Prince, and he just...

"Doctor's orders" Mamoru adds, and Haruka smiles.

You moron! Now she won't listen! Don't you know her at all? You just gave her a recommendation! A _doctor_ recommendation! She won't listen to _that_! Give her an order! You're her Prince and future King, she _will_ listen to an order coming from _you_! So grow some balls, and do it!

And by the way she's smiling and looking up at me, I _know_ she's thinking the same thing. Damn man! Now there's no way I'm going to be able to make her leave that stupid couch and go to bed, like she's suppose to. And I'm guessing I'm gonna have a really hard time trying to make her stay home and skip going to the track to practice tomorrow...

"Sure thing, Mamoru" Haruka says, still smiling. Weakly, but smiling non the less.

He smiles back at her, and then calls for Hotaru and the Usagi duo, and he leaves. He left! _Without_ giving the one order that would make Haruka stay put, and my life a whole lot easier!

Normally, I really like Mamoru. But right now? Right now I want to punch him and send him to the Stone Age for making me miserable! Stupid man!

Ok, so, I get it. He's a nice guy. And I'm sure he'll make a great doctor. But you simply can't be nice to Haruka! She always does whatever the hell she wants, unless Michiru, Usagi or Mamoru tell her otherwise. The first one doesn't even need to say something. One look would do.

An order coming from Mamoru is exactly that; an order, and no one -and I mean _no one_- would ever refuse to it. Not even Haruka.

Now, an order coming from our Princess is a good reason to debate. Mostly, because she's still a seventeen year old girl with the strange ability to always end up in the weirdest situations. So of course we all try to talk her out of her ideas. But she does have her moments, and when those happen, her orders are sacred law to all of us.

But Usagi's nowhere near giving her an order, and neither is Mamoru. So that leaves little old me to handle a thickheaded sick blonde. Great, just great!

You're probably wondering what's so bad about all this, right? Remember those three things Haruka cannot stand? Let me tell you what those are.

A. She's deeply, completely, madly in love with Michiru. They've been together for over three years now, and they've been living together for that exact among of time. Actually, they've been living together for even longer than that. Something about making everything a whole lot easier with their mission -yeah, like I bought that one... they were crazy for each other from day one! Not my fault it took them long enough to figure it out! Anyway! They're in love, and my blonde friend over here cannot, for the life of her, be away from Michiru for longer than two days. After those two days are gone, and the Senshi of the Seas is still to come back home, Haruka turns into a mass of nerves. I bet she even cries at nights...

B. Strong woman over here. The kind of person who's fists you really don't want on your face. Ever. But! If there's one fight she always loses, is the one against nature. First off, she's incredibly irregular, even if she is under the pill to try to be a little bit _less_ irregular -we actually had a very long, hard laugh at that one. I mean, come on! Haruka, on the pill? What the hell for? It's not like Michiru's gonna get her pregnant! And any man with half a brain would be smart enough to stay the hell away from her in _that_ way!- but that's not working so far. Really, doctors should make a study case out of her. But I'm eternally grateful for that one. Because, you see, every forty days or so, there's a whining, whimpering, hypersensitive, and overall girly girl taking over Haruka's body. And that is the one and only reason I know so much about her cycle in the first place...

And last but not least, C. Like I said, she's a strong woman. Her health being just as strong. Normally. But every once in a blue moon, she proves to us she's only human. Meaning, she gets sick. Now, I'm not talking about a simple cold here. Oh no. A strong woman must have an equally strong sickness. Or a very high fever. Or _just_ the high fever. Which makes her entire body ache like hell, and act worst than a needy, whining baby.

And my luck being what it is, and thanks to some freaking cosmic joke, I'm stuck with a combo of all three, with Haruka acting like a baby, whining over how much she misses Michiru, and being more thickheaded than ever!

And everyone knows Michiru is the _only one_ that can handle this stupid, thickheaded blonde whenever she's sick or with a really bad PMS attack. So where the hell is the aqua woman when I need her?! Out of town! She's been out of town for _four days_ now, and Haruka's been camping on my lovely couch for exactly half that amount of time.

And she's with her period, so of course her body's defenses are low, and _of course_ she just had to catch a cold. And Michiru's not here, and Mamoru didn't order her to go to bed, and Haruka just won't leave my couch!

A sad, broken sigh reaches my ears, and I look back at my sick leader. Is she crying? Oh boy...

"I miss her"

And here we go with the whole 'I miss her' routine... I let out a sigh, and I nod my head sympathetically. She does have a fever, I'm not that heartless! "I know you do, sweety, but she's coming home tomorrow morning" I say to her, trying to soothe her "And do you really want her to come home to a sick girlfriend?" I try to reason with her.

Bad idea. PMS Haruka is never reasonable. And her curling deeper into the couch and hiding her face with the blanket just proves my point "I didn't get sick on purpose" she whispers in the exact broken tone of voice one would admit to a terrible secret.

I rolled my eyes "And what did you expect, sleeping on the couch for two days, huh?" I ask her, now getting annoyed "With all the doors and windows open?" I add, raising my voice and pointing at the sliding doors that lead to the backyard.

"Don't yell at me!" she whines, looking at me and pouting. She's pouting. Haruka. _Pouting_. It's a really weird occasion when those two words come together in one sentence "Please!" she begs "I'm not feeling so good"

"Just go to bed already" I insist.

"Don't wanna"

"You need to rest!"

"I am!" she exclaims, and then she holds her head "God! That hurts!" she complains, messaging her temple. And when she turns all white on me, her hands flying to her lower, swelled stomach, I'm guessing a pretty bad cramp is now attacking my fellow Senshi.

"Haruka, come on, you need to rest" I insist "I'll make you some warm tea, and..."

"I really don't think I can walk right now..." she whines, curling up and resting on her side, hand still on her stomach.

"I'll help you"

"I don't want to!" she whines, yet again.

Ok, I just lost it! "And why the hell not?" I practically yell at her.

"Because!" she exclaims.

How eloquent and smart of her. I just lift one eyebrow, looking down on her and crossing my arms over my chest. I swear, right now, she's worst than a two year old! I wonder what the punishment is for murdering a Senshi...

"Because it's cold" she mumbles now, looking incredibly heartbroken "It's cold and empty, and I don't wanna sleep in there"

I'm thinking two things right now. One, I bet Michiru would just melt down with those words. And two, how I wish I had a camera right now! This is blackmail material! I wonder where that shinny, tinny, digital camera is... oh crap! Michiru took it with her! Damn, that's just my luck...

"Haruka..."

"No, I won't go in there!" she exclaims "Her pillow smells like her, and it makes me wanna hold her, but she's not here, so I can't hold her, and I miss her, and I want her to come home!" she states, green eyes now shinning not only with her fever, but with her forming tears "If she'd be here, she'd understand me. Why are you being so mean to me?"

"I'm not being mean to you, Haruka, I'm just _trying_ to get you into bed so I can take proper care of you, so when Michiru comes back home tomorrow, she comes home to her normal, everyday, rational, hyperactive, obnoxious girlfriend, instead of a two year old, whining, grown woman!"

"I'm not obnoxious" she complains.

And I just rolled my eyes at her. Of all the things I just said to her, she's offended by that? Ok, who are you, and what did you do to my friend? I want Haruka back! I want my friend back! Give her back! Because I really don't think I can put up with this, this... _child_, until tomorrow morning. It's barely noon! So give me my friend back!

A sniffling sound interrupts my internal parade, and I look down on her again. Yup, she's crying. And I really wish I could be a heartless bitch to her right now, because she's been walking on my nerves for way too long now. But I can't! She's my friend, and I _can't_ be a heartless bitch to her!

Life is so unfair...

"Haruka..." I start, yet again, to try to reason with her.

And then I hear it. The most beautiful sound I've heard all day! Are there angels singing on the background? Yes! Thank you, Selene, thank you!

"What's going on here?"

Haruka sits up on the couch, as fast as her current condition allows her, and looks up to Michiru, who just arrived home. And the blonde is giving her a puppy eyed look, tears and all, and pouting.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Michiru asks, obviously concerned out of her mind. Not that I blame her. I mean, if I get back home after a few days to find my better half looking at me with the most heartbreaking look upon her face, I'd be worry too! Of course, my better half would be a _he_...

"Michi!" the blonde exclaims "Setsuna's being mean to me!" she whines, the moment Michiru is on the couch and holding her.

I'm guessing Michiru already knows what's wrong with our lovely blonde, because she looks up at me, but not in a scolding manner. More like a 'here we go again' look. Or maybe that's just me...

"I saw Mamoru's car driving away" she says to me "Did you ask him to check on her?"

"Of course" I assure her "And he told her to rest" I say, as I crossed my arms over my chest again, and look down on the still whimpering blonde "In bed" I add.

Michiru looks down on the blonde now "Ruka, why are you still here?"

The blonde smiles up. A very sheepish, childish smile, at that "Doctor's orders" she says.

Michiru and I both rolled our eyes at her. And now blue eyes are looking back at me, and this time, I _know_ it's in a scolding manner!

"Why didn't he give her an order?" she asks me "I thought he knew better..."

How the hell should I know! I _liked_ him up until he walked away from here! No 'I'm your future King, so do as I say', no nothing! But now? Now I'm not so fond of him anymore!

Ok, breath, Setsuna, you're going to give yourself heart attack. Am I too young to have a heart attack? … Wow! Let's _not _get in there! I really _don't_ want to think about my age right now!

"I guess he was just trying to be nice..." I venture, smiling tiredly. She's back, now it's her problem, right? It's her girlfriend, not mine!

"He _was_ nice" Haruka says, sheepish smile still on her lips "He's always nice"

"You say that because you didn't get order around" Michiru replies, a knowing smile on her face "So, instead, you get to ignore him"

Haruka shakes her shoulders, and cuddles into Michiru's embrace. I just roll my eyes again. Really, that blonde is such a kid sometimes! And I want that kid out of my couch, right now!

"Ok, baby, let's take you to bed" Michiru says, as if reading my mind. I swear, I love that aquamarine woman! Such a nice, caring friend! And rational, too! "So I can take proper care of you"

"Ok!" my blonde leader exclaims, happily, like a child about to get a candy treat.

"Finally!" I exclaim, all too happy about having the couch Haruka free.

And you know what she does? She sticks her tongue out to me! Grow up already!

"You're just jealous because you don't have such a nice nurse, like I do" she states, and then sticks her tongue out again.

Can I punch her? Really, just one tinny little punch. And she's sick, so she won't be able to punch me back! So, can I?

"Ok, Ruka, let's go" Michiru says, getting the blonde to look back at her "Come on, baby, you need to rest now"

"Ok" the blondes says, holding the aqua woman "I missed you, Michi!" I hear her exclaiming, as they both make their way up the stairs "Don't leave again! Setsuna's been so mean to me and I really miss you and..." her voice fades away.

Oh, well, at least she's out of my couch now. And Michiru's back home, so I don't need to hear her whining and crying and all that. With Michiru here, my couch is not the only thing Haruka free, so is my conscience! Now, I believe there's a documentary on TV about time traveling...

Scientist. They don't know shit!


	5. The art of negotiation

**The art of negotiation (or manipulation...)**

**Summary:** Hotaru wants something. And she's bringing the big guns just to get it, knowing one blonde woman can't say no to her, an aquamarine haired one can't say no to the blonde, and a dark green haired one is in a disadvantage... It's three against one now. But what is the little firefly asking for, exactly?

-----

I've been sitting here for the least fifteen minutes now, patiently waiting for someone -anyone, but preferably one tall blonde woman- to come home. I know I must look like a statue right now, just sitting here, staring into nothing, with a frown upon my face.

But you see, I'm actually squeezing my brains out, trying to come up with enough reasons as to why they should really listen to me. Good reasons, at that. So far, the only valid one I have, is that they _promised_. Granted, they were thinking more along the lines of 'next Christmas' or something like that, but I'm good at negotiating when I want to.

And maybe I can even play the guilty card. Or force them into this, considering they _promised_, and a Senshi promise is meant to be kept!

See? I told you I'm good at negotiating... Oh, someone's coming!

I turned around, looking at the door. And I can't help the smile that comes to my face almost immediately. This should be an easy one...

"Haruka-papa, hi!" I called out to her. Ok, I know I just sounded _way_ too happy and excited. Now she probably suspects I'm going to ask for something... she's blonde, but nowhere near stupid.

I kinda wish she would have a blonde attack right about now...

"Hey, firefly" she greets me, messing with my hair a little "How's it going?" she asks, as she starts making her way to the kitchen.

And right when I'm about to play the sweet, innocent, cute little daughter part -who by all means deserves just about anything she asks for-, a sound coming from the backyard gets our attention, making the both of us turn into that direction.

Crap! I was hoping to get some more time to work on my charms here... oh well... here we go...

"What is that?" my papa asks me, one blonde eyebrow going up.

Isn't it obvious? One blonde moment, coming right up!

"Her name is Kihaku" I say, as an answer to her question "Isn't it the cutest name ever?"

"Hotaru" she calls, in a scolding tone of voice, crossing her arms over her chest.

Uh-oh. She's not buying my sweet innocent face... Think, Hotaru, think! I really don't want to have her mad at me! I mean, really, if anyone knows this woman even half as good as I know her, then you know what I mean. Having Haruka Tenoh mad at you is something everyone should avoid, at all costs!

And she looks kinda scary when she's really angry, too... Not that she jad ever got angry at me, of course... and I kinda like it that way!

"Can I keep her?" I ask. Big puppy eyed act, completely directed to my papa "Please?"

"No" she says, not sounding as convincing as I bet she wanted to sound. And I smile at that. But she notices, so she frowns now "No, and I mean it"

"Oh, come on!" I exclaim, jumping off the couch and going to her, holding her by the waist "Please? Pretty, pretty please?"

"Where did you find her, anyway?" she asks me, still frowning.

"At the park" I answer her, smiling sweetly up at her.

"You can't keep her, Hotaru" she says again, now with a softer tone of voice "Someone must be looking for her, some loving family with two little toddlers. Do you really want to leave those innocent little guys without her?" she asks me.

Damn! She's good at this... I guess you can see where I learned how to negotiate, right?

"But, papa, she's homeless" I argue. Really, she is. I checked! "Mr. Kunitachi told me she's been around for the last three months now. She's all alone, and I really like her..."

She lets out a sigh, closing her eyes and massaging her temples with one hand. And I can't help it, I smile at her gesture. Yes! She's cracking up! I'm so good at this!

"Please, papa?" I ask again, my eyes big and shinny, with a look that must be the best puppy eyed look _ever._ Hands together in a pleading manner and all. Yup, I just decided is time to bring on the big guns here.

She looks out at the backyard, and then back at me, letting out another sigh. "You know I can't say no to that face" she says, with the softest look upon her pretty face.

Duh! Why do you think I'm asking _you _first? Of course I know! That's the whole point! You're a big, strong, independent woman, with a really big -_huge!_- soft heart. Even if you _don't_ want to admit it. Like, _ever_...

And of course, the fact that my papa and my mama always tend to go in whichever direction the other one is going, has a lot to do with this. So I just killed two birds with one bullet. Figuratively speaking, _of course_.

Speaking of which...

"Hey, there sweetie" my Michiru-mama greets me, as she enters the house. She smiles at us, and then goes to give a sweet peck on my papa's cheek "Hey, baby"

"Hey" she greets back, not really looking at her.

Now, let me translate this one for you, kay? These two over here, big time lovers. Soul mates, even. _Big time_. Whenever they look at each other, I swear you can _see_ the stars and little hearts flying in their eyes. Which is kinda hard _not_ to notice, considering they can't keep their eyes -and hands...- off each other... So, the fact that my papa is not looking straight at my mama, big hearts and stars flying back and forth, is a bad sign.

And my mama is not stupid. They're soul mates, remember? So of course she knows something's up. But before she can ask anything at all, and before my papa can even utter a word, Kihaku gets our attention, yet again.

Her timing is really bad... I'm going to have to teach her better...

Michiru-mama turns to look at us again, one eyebrow going up in a questioning manner. Hands crossing over her chest, she looks everything but pleased. So I guess jumping up on her saying 'Surprise!', is probably not the best way to go right now...

"Yeah, we have a little situation here" Haruka-papa says to her, hands deep in her pant pockets, looking like a kid who just got scolded over stealing the cookie jar.

"No kidding" my mama says, looking straight into my papa's green eyes, making her gulp. And I so don't want to be her right now... "Care to explain?"

"Well, you see, Hotaru here found her at the park, and she wants to keep her..." my papa starts.

And, she just blamed it all on me! Ok, so I am the one to blame here, but what ever happened to that whole 'one for all and all for one' speech, huh?

Wait, that was the three musketeers... oh, crap... But we do work as a team, right?... Right! We're the Outer! We're a team! So stop blaming me, act like a grown up, and put a word or two for me here! Geez!

"And I take it you already agreed to this" Michiru-mama says, more like a statement than a question. No wonder she the one wearing the pants on their relationship...

"Oh, baby, come on!" Haruka-papa exclaims "You _know_ I can never say no to her!" she admits, hands pointing at me.

Ok, so no grown up act coming anytime soon. I get it... And as they both look at me, I simply stand here, hands behind my back, looking all cute and sweet. Innocently smiling, batting my eyelashes. I swear, Minako would be _so_ proud of me right now... I'm her all time best student! _Ever_!

And then it happens. My mama gives in. I can tell, because of the way she's looking at my papa right now. I can even read the 'You know I can never say no to you' sign in her forehead!

"And then you wonder why she always goes to you whenever she wants something..." she mumbles. Yup, like I said, she's not stupid!

And then something completely unexpected happens. And I just stand here, seeing it all in slow motion...

The entry door gets open, and in walks my Setsuna-mama, throwing her keys on the table next to the door and smiling up at us. At that exact moment, Kihaku decides she no longer wants to stay outside, and runs inside the house. Making a perfect straight line, right to my Setsuna-mama, and jumping up at her.

Oh boy... I'm _so_ dead... I _really_ need to train her....

"What the hell!" Setsuna-mama yells from her current position, laying on the floor, with a big, wet nose nuzzling in her neck "Oh, that tickles! Stop it!" she starts giggling despite herself "Help, anyone! Get off me, you giant, furry beast!"

I go to help her, untangling the mass of dark green hair, legs, arms, paws and golden fur... And Setsuna-mama looks up at me, not really standing up, and simply blinks at me.

I gulp. Am I in trouble?

"What's that?" she asks me.

Stupid question, isn't it? Really, you from all people should know that...

"It's a dog" Michiru-mama states, pointing the obvious "A dog your daughter here wants to keep"

_Your_ daughter? Hey, I'm your daughter too! Is she washing her hands on me? How Pontious Pilate of her... I'm offended!

"No" Setsuna-mama says "Hell no!" she says again, now looking at my mama and papa "Did you agree to this?" she demands.

"Well..." Haruka-papa mumbles, but my mama puts a hand on her shoulders, making her look at her.

"We were just arguing about it when you showed up" Michiru-mama says.

No! We were not _arguing_ about it! I was -successfully- convincing you! There's a difference there, you know?

"She agreed to it" Setsuna-mama says, an accusing finger pointing at my papa.

"I didn't say that!" she defends herself.

"You don't need to" Setsuna-mama says "Your face says it all for you"

Haruka-papa shakes her shoulders, now looking down at Kihaku, as she's sitting down right at her feet. Tongue hanging out, one paw up and asking for my papa's attention. Isn't she the cutest little fur thing, ever? Ok, maybe not so little...

"We did promise her a dog..." Michiru-mama says, and I smile up at her. I totally forgot that one! Thank you!

"And she's kinda cute" my papa says, now bending down and petting Kihaku, who lays happily on the floor, all sprawled up, obviously enjoying the attention, and provoking a smile on my papa's face.

That's my girl! Work on her! Now go and work on Setsuna-mama too!

"Not a golden retriever!" Setsuna-mama argues, now standing up and dusting herself off the blonde little dog hairs all over her "And I was thinking more of a puppy..."

Ok, time to act now, before she gets all angry at me "Please, Setsuna-mama, can I keep her?" I beg, hanging from her arm "Please? I really like her, and she likes you too!" I point out. And as if on cue, Kihaku rolls around, now looking up at my Setsuna-mama, barking and wagging her tale happily "See? Please, mama, please?"

"Look at the bright side, at least now you don't have to worry about a puppy eating all your shoes and clothes, and wetting the carpets" my papa points out.

I swear, I love this woman! She rocks!

"Ok, I'm in" my Michiru-mama says, nodding her head. And when Setsuna-mama looks at her, one eyebrow going up in a questioning manner, she shakes her shoulders "What? I have expensive shoes..." she mumbles.

And the score is now three against one. I'm trying really hard not to smile in triumph now. Come on, Sets, _please_!

"And who's gonna take care of her, huh?" Setsuna-mama asks, hands on her hips "And feed her, and take her out for a walk and..."

"I will!" I exclaim, still hanging from her arm "I promise!"

"And you need to find a vet and make sure she's healthy..."

"I'll do that too!" I say, before Setsuna-mama can even finish her sentence. I'm getting really excited now! She's about to break! Yes! I'm so good at this... I'm mentally patting my own back right now.

They all exchange glances, and I just stand there, looking up at them with my -carefully studied- innocent look, before they all nod their heads, and I jump and clap my hands. I'm so happy! I hug them all, all smiles and happy laughter.

And Kihaku is happy too, as she starts barking, wagging her tale and jumping around me. Yes girl, you're staying with us now! I bet I look like the happiest girl ever. Which I am! I'm so incredibly happy right now!

"Just make sure you warn Luna and Artemis about her" Setsuna-mama points out to me. And I frown. Crap! I totally forgot about those two! Oh well, they don't come here that often, anyway...

"Sure, I will!" I simply yell at her, before running outside, Kihaku right behind me, all ready to play. I can worry about the talking cats later. Right now, I just want to play with my new dog!

That was a close call! But, like I said before, I'm really good at negotiating. Or manipulating, depends on how you look at it... but, hey! They said yes! And, like they say, the goal justifies the means, right? And now I'm a happy teenage girl -slash Sailor Senshi, slash Princess from a long lost castle on a now pretty much empty planet...- with a dog!

Yup, I'm really, really good at negotiating. I should put my charms to use more often! Hm... what can I ask for next?

-------

A.N.: Mr. Kunitachi is the park keeper from episode #15


	6. Underwear

**Underwear**

**Summary:** one unexpected clothing item is found on a drawer. Questions aroused in one Senshi's mind, as she wonders about it. How did it end up there? And most importantly, who it belongs to?

* * *

I walk into my room, feeling relaxed and clean, and just smelling nice all over. Silky, deep blue robe kind of stuck to my still pretty much wet body, which reminds me, I really need to get a real robe. I mean, this one is nice and all, but so not meant to be used after you just took a shower...

Normally, I wouldn't even _have_ this robe in the first place. But Hotaru gave it to me for my birthday, and I happen to like it. Anyway. It's silky, and it's currently stuck to my body because I just threw it on right after getting out of my warm, nice, long shower. Towel in hand, I try to get my hair dry and prevent the damn water drops to fall on the carpet, as I walk to my wardrobe.

First things first. Underwear! I open the drawer, and while putting on my nice, clean, white panties, something catches my eye, and I frown.

Something I've never seen before.

Something red. And laced. And I know for a fact, it's not mine.

I reach out and take it, looking at it, as my frown deepens. It's a bra. A red bra. A sexy, laced, translucent, with a flowery embroidery, red bra. It has 'war time' written all over it -if you know what I mean...-, and it's most definitively not mine. Not only because it's red, and there's just no way I would ever wear red underwear, but because it's not my size.

And really, I should know if its mine or not, right? Right.

And I know it's not my girlfriend's either. I know her entire wardrobe, and that includes her underwear. _Obviously_. And she doesn't wear red underwear either. Skin tones, sure. Black, of course. And even the occasional blue, or even dark violet. But _never_ red.

It's just not her color. Which is perfectly ok by me. I mean, red kind of reminds me of Rei. And I so don't want to be reminded of her while having... _private_ moments with my girlfriend. So it's not hers. Not only because I know every single underwear item she owns, and not because its red, but because it's not her size either. And, _trust me_, I know her cup size like the palm of my hand! Quite literally!

So why is there a red laced bra in our underwear drawer? I'm kind of panicking right now...

Ok, don't go out of your mind yet! It could be something she bought...

No, it can't be! It's not her size, and it's not mine either! Why would she get a wrong sized bra? She's not stupid! And this thing is not even new! There's no tag on it, and it smells of that laundry soap Setsuna likes so much. Not that I'm complaining, it actually smells nice and... What the hell is this red bra doing in my drawer? Who's bra is this?

Breath! Nice and easy, just breath. There has to be a completely rational explanation for this. There has to be! Because, she's not cheating on you, so stop panicking!

Oh God...

Please tell me she's not cheating on me! I mean, we've been together for so long, and we've been trough so much together... and I love her! I do, with all my heart! I don't even know what I'd do without her! I don't even want to _imagine_ it!

This can't be happening... it has to be some kind of misunderstanding, right? I mean, she wouldn't cheat on me. I know her, she wouldn't do that! I refuse to believe that! And we had a _great _night just last night! If she's seeing someone else, I would have noticed something's different, right? I mean, she would be distant or something...

Maybe a hotel maid got her underwear mixed up or something. It could happen... right? Right! Because she's not cheating on me. I know she isn't! I mean, she wouldn't cheat on me with someone that wears red laced bras! She doesn't even like those! Does she?

Oh God... Is it because I don't tell her I love her ofter enough? Is it because I don't pay enough attention? Because I don't show her how much she means to me? But she knows! She _knows_ I love her! I _adore _her! I...

"Honey, can you pick up Hotaru from Rei's? She just called and said..." her voice fades away the moment she sees me, standing right in front of our wardrobe, red bra still in my hands "What's that?" she asks me.

And I'm trying really hard to find the right words to say to her that I have no idea what this is nor who it belongs to, without braking down and asking her right on, tears and all, and screaming like a maniac 'are you cheating on me with a red laced bra wearer slut? _Why_?'.

So I just look at her.

"Oh, is this new?" she asks, as she now stands right next to me "Baby, it's not your size..."

"I know that" I manage to say "It's not mine..."

"Well, it's not mine either" she simply states.

I was so afraid she would say something like that... really, we're kinda running out of options here...

"I know that too" I say, trying really hard now not to freak out "I was kind of... wondering... how... who..."

Great. I can't even say it. And the way her eyes are going wide open right now, I bet she knows what I've been thinking for the past few minutes...

"Where did you find this?" she asks me, looking all worried now

I simply point the still open drawer to her, because I really don't think I can talk right now without my voice failing me. And I really don't want to look like a sissy little girl right now.... not more than I already look, anyway...

So I just point the drawer, and look at her. And I find myself in the worst inner battle ever. Because there's this tiny, whiny, little part of me that's still under panic mode. Big time. But then there's this other part that registers her eyes, and the honest expression on her face, and wants to believe in it. _Desperately_. I mean, her eyes never, ever, failed me before...

"Hey, Michiru" Setsuna's voice gets our attention to our bedroom door, as she walks right in "You think I could borrow that sexy little black shirt... hey, I was looking for that!"

Huh?

"Where did you find it?" she asks me, now grabbing the damn red bra from my hands "I thought I lost it!"

"This is yours?" I ask, still kind of... well, lost.

"Yeah!" she exclaims, as if it's the most obvious thing in the entire universe.

Ok, see? That's a reasonable explanation! It's Setsuna's! What a _relief_! I know I shouldn't have been having these thoughts in the first place, but well... what can I say? I'm just a girl after all... I do have the right to be a tinny little bit insecure from time to time, right?

Like, every once in a thousand years or so...

"And what the hell was this thing doing in _my_ drawer?" I ask, rolling my eyes "You scared the crap out of me!"

"It's a freaking bra! Why would it..." she trails off, and then she just looks at me, suddenly amused "What, you actually thought this belonged to someone else?"

Nice. Really nice. Throw salt to the wound, bitch!

"Like she would _ever_ cheat on you!" she exclaimed, mockingly, and pointing at my -hurt looking- girlfriend.

I just get mad at her "You really need to keep your underwear away from my drawers!" I yelled "And why on earth do you have a red 'war time' bra, anyway? What? You finally got yourself a hot date?" Yup. Teasing and joking, the best way out of weird situations!

"That's for me to know, and for you to never find out" she simply says "Now, I'm going out tonight, so don't wait up for me" she states, winking at us, before turning around and leaving the bedroom.

I _so_ didn't want to know that... weird images of my dark green haired friend doing the nasty with some random guy -a _guy_, come on!- is as bad as imagining my own parents having sex. Because, you know, my parents _don't _have sex. Nope. On that particular matter -and _only _on that particular matter- I'm like Jesus; I was conceived by a miracle!

Parents and Setsuna do _not_ have sex. Hell, no one has sex, except me! It's just... weird!

"Did you really think that?" my girlfriend's voice gets me back to reality, and so I look at her. She's looking back at me now "You thought I was cheating on you?" she asks me, her blue eyes big and transparent, full with worry and... hurt "You... you really think I would do that?"

Ok, she's _really_ hurt. I can tell.

You moron! See? She's not cheating on you! Of course she isn't! And you just hurt her with your stupid suspicions and your freaking panic attack! If she ever _does _cheat on you, don't get surprised! Yeah, I know, I'm an ass...

"No... I'm just... I found this and.. it's not mine, and I know it's not yours, so I was just wondering how did it end up in here. It's not that I don't trust you, I do! You know I do. And I know thing's been kinda crazy lately, and maybe I haven't been paying you enough attention, but we're good, right? We're ok, right? And yeah, maybe I'm kind of distant sometimes, living up in my own little world and all..." I'm babbling, I know! Ok, breath and talk like a grown up!

She's smiling now. Well, at least my little charade got her to smile...

She encircles her arms around my neck "Things _have_ been crazy lately, and you _are_ inside your own little world. But so am I" she says, in that tender, loving voice of hers "You're not distant. You're _you_. And I wouldn't have you any other way" she says, still smiling, brushing her pointy little nose against mine "And I believe you _did_ pay me quite the attention last night..." she adds, as her smile turns into a mischievous one.

Ok, I blush at that one.

"I would never lie to you, Ruka" she softly says.

I encircle my arms around her waist, getting her body pressed up against mine, and I let out a content sigh, as I rest my forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry" I'm finally able to say "I guess I just kind of... panicked" I admit "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry..."

She smiles again at me. Big blue eyes shining. Now, let me tell you a little something here. When those blue eyes shine like _that_, it can only mean one thing. Fun time. X rated, fun time.

I love this woman!

"I'm sure you can come up with a way or two to make it up for me" she says, winking at me "Hotaru can stay with Chibiusa, and Sets won't be home..." she hints.

Baby, I'm blonde, but I'm not _that_ stupid! I smile like a kid on Christmas eve.

"I believe I can do that" I say.

"Good" she says, now walking to our wardrobe "Because there _is_ this tiny little new thing I just got" she says, as she gets out of another drawer a shopping bag. A Victoria's Secret shopping bag "And I kind of want your opinion on it" she adds, playfully.

I'm liking it already! I love whatever comes from that shop, wrapped around Michi's perfect little body!

Yup, it's Christmas time already! I'm so lucky!


	7. The new neighbor

**7 - The new neighbor**

**Summary: **She's doing something she shouldn't. And while at it, a strange statement shakes Setsuna out of her shoes, leading to a rather weird, funny argument. What are they arguing about? And more importantly, what was she doing in the first place?

* * *

I have a confession to make. I'm a terrible, terrible person. I should be ashamed of my own actions... And I'm sure I would, if I weren't enjoying this so much!

And, oh boy, am I enjoying this! A smile comes to my lips, as a content sigh escapes me.

I've been sitting here for the past... let me check... half an hour. Ice tea resting on the table right next to me, the sunglasses protecting my eyes from the -incredibly heated- sun, wearing my perfect little two pieces swimsuit and enjoying the sun kissing my skin.

Or at least, that's what it looks like. But in truth, the three of us had been watching our new neighbor. Yes, I did say _watching_, not _spying_. It's not like we put microphones and cameras all over his place... wait, that's actually a good idea...

See what I mean? Bad Pluto!

But, oh boy! He's _so_ worth it!

Hotaru, of course, is having a nice day out with Small Lady. Or something along those lines... didn't really paid her that much attention, because the moment she said she was going out, I was more than ready to come out here and play spies... Anyway! She's not home. Which is a good thing, considering none of us is being a good example to her right about now, watching our neighbor like this...

"I don't get it" comes Haruka's voice, making me look at her from the corner of my eye.

She's laying over the resting chair, one arm up over her head, the other over her stomach, playing with the waist of the jean shorts she's wearing over her navy blue bikini. And she's frowning, as her green eyes, covered by her Ray Ban sunglasses, are glued to the magnificent sight I'm currently -_sinfully_- enjoying.

"How can he afford all that?" she asks.

Good question! That house is huge, with every single, newest, coolest electronic devise there is, and two brand new, expensive cars.

You're wondering how I know all this about our new neighbor -who just moved in two days ago? Well, his -huge- house is right across our backyard, for starters. And our backyard connects to his backyard, and then to the back of the house itself. A house that's been empty ever since we moved here. A house which just happens to have so many -huge- windows, it almost looks like it's made of glass.

So of course we've been seeing a lot of this new neighbor of ours for the past two days. And considering that alone, who cares about all that high tech stuff? That's not the main attraction here!

"Maybe he's rich..." Michiru ventures. Her own blue eyes covered by her stylish, violet gradient lens, cool Gucci sunglasses. I love her sunglasses! But I love what I'm doing _way_ more, so I soon turn to look straight ahead.

"Yeah, but... how?" Haruka insists.

"Who cares" I finally say.

And really, who cares? Because, honestly, his bank account is the last thing on my mind right now, as I see him throwing the bottle of water he has on his hands all over his body.

A mischievous, approving smile comes to my lips. I swear, this guy should be a model!

Haruka looks at me for a moment, and then she lays down on the resting chair again, shaking her shoulder "If you say so..." she mumbles. And then she frowns "How many sit ups a day do you think are needed to have that stomach?" she asks "It looks like a hard rock washboard..."

And I blink, surprised out of my skin.

Haruka. Asking about a guy's anatomy... Holly crap, is she turning straight on me?

"And that ass" she then adds, only to surprised me even more "I want that ass..."

"Me too" Michiru murmurs, mindlessly nodding her head in agreement.

Ok, so, I get their point. Really, I do. I want an ass like that too! And every possible meaning you can read into that statement, trust me, is true. One can only dream...

Anyway! As you may already guessed, our new neighbor is a guy. A tall, black haired, green eyed, muscular guy. With a great ass. And when I say great, I mean _great_. Michelangelo's David is nothing compared to this guy! I'm jealous! _I_ don't have an ass like that! One would think all the workout and fights would give me a nice behind. And I'm usually pretty happy with my own body.

But this ass over here... that's just something else!

"You have a great ass, Michi" Haruka says to my aquamarine haired friend.

And, she's gay again...

"Oh, thank you, love" Michiru says, smiling "You have a really nice ass yourself" she says, winking.

God, they're _so_ gay!

Don't get me wrong, I'm no homophobic. Really, I'm not. And after living with these two for two years, I've been officially exorcized from the surprise factor... Or I thought I was, up until right about now. Because, you see, they _are_ gay. Been gay since, I don't know, the beginning of times? Really, nothing new there.

So I guess you can understand why I'm so surprised at my -_completely_ gay- friends being so into this... What the hell are they doing, staring at our neighbor's ass?

Ok, so, yeah, great ass and all, we already established that, but come on! It's pretty obvious why _I'm_ doing this. I'm actually surprised I'm not drooling all over myself by now... But these two? Why is it so fascinating to them to look at our neighbor's naked... large... big... _huge_...

Dear Selene, I think I'm hyperventilating! Hush, heart of mine!

"And here comes the sausage show!" Haruka exclaims, chuckling. "Who wants some?"

Me, me, me!

Can I get that to go? I'd even put some wipe cream on it! What can I say? I'm bored, currently single, and this guy is _so_ _hot_ he's making me horny!

"You know, judging by that perfect suntanned" Michiru says "I bet he hasn't worn one single clothing item the entire summer"

"I don't think so" Haruka disagrees "I mean, he had to wear _something_ when he moved in, right? Isn't it illegal to walk around butt naked?"

Who cares! Adonis, right ahead!

"I have a question!" Michiru exclaims, now turning to sit on her side, and looking at me all curiously, like a ten year old school student "When you're... you know... with a guy...do they actually get that thing inside you?" she asks me.

I'm doing two main things right now. I'm blinking at her, surprised out of my skin. And I'm blushing. Badly. How am I supposed to explain this to a _lesbian_ woman?

"I mean, _all_ of it?" she asks, frowning now. "All the way? What if he's... you know... _big_?"

And as I keep on blinking and looking at her, from the corner of my eye I notice Haruka jolts up in the chair, hands between her legs, pale face buried between her knees "God, that's gotta hurt!" she whines.

"Well, yeah... the first time..." I mumble, frowning at them.

Michiru blinks at me. "Really?" she asks "And you _like_ that?"

Quite a lot, actually...

"It only hurts the first time..." I explain to them "But then you start to like it. And then you really, _really_ like it..."

They exchange glances, and I can see they're as lost as a penguin in the middle of the desert...

My blonde leader slash friend shakes her head, before she looks at me again. "Whatever. So, apart from the obvious, do they have a special happy spot?" she asks.

"Uh?" is pretty much all that comes to mind right now... why would she _ever_ need to know something like that?

"You know" Michiru says, adding to the question "With a woman, there's all these sensitive spots, right? Neck, lower back, thighs, neck..."

"Bellybutton" Haruka interrupts, smirking. And by the blush on Michiru's face, I take it that was a rather _private_ personal 'happy spot'... one that I really _didn't_ need to know about...

"Right..." a very blushed face Michiru mumbles.

"I'm no expert on the subject" Haruka says. No kidding! Really? I can't help it, I roll my eyes at her... "But it always seemed to me that guys are a whole lot easier to please..." she continues, tilting her head to a side "Get in, do your business, and get out. That's pretty much it, right?"

"Well... kind of..." I mumble. Why am I having this conversation? "There's always foreplay... and during..."

One blonde eyebrow goes up, interrupting me, and although I can't really see because of her sunglasses, I _swear_ she's rolling her green eyes at me.

"Sounds _boring_" she states.

"You only say that because you're gay" I point out to her. And, really, she is! Of course sex with a man sounds boring to her! There's no boobs for her to play with!

"I'm not gay" Haruka argues.

What the...? I just blink at her, surprised out of my skin. Did she really just say that? Am I being punk'd here?

I turn to look at Michiru "Don't you have something to say about that?" I ask her.

She frowns at me "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?" I repeat, my own eyes going wide open "Your _girlfriend_ just said she's not _gay_! Where do you think that leaves _you_, huh?"

"I'm not!" the blonde insists "Sure, whenever someone puts that tag on me I just play along, 'cause it's easier than having to explain myself, but I'm not gay"

"I'm sorry, but, haven't you been dating Michiru over here for the past three years?" I ask, and I'm pretty sure I'm going ballistic by now.

"Yeah"

"Well, newsflash! That makes you a gay woman!"

"No, that just means I'm in love with her" she argues back, taking her sunglasses off and staring at me, looking all offended. She's actually offended because I'm saying she's gay!

Really, where's the hidden camera?

But the she smiles, winking at Michiru "Big time" she adds, making my aquamarine haired friend giggle like a school girl...

"See, Sets" Michiru starts -still giggling-, voice calm and soft, taping my hand in a motherly manner. Great, now she's talking to me as if I'm an idiot! "By definition, a gay woman is someone who likes to date other women, right?"

"Right" I agree.

"So, by that alone, we're not gay" she states, smiling, and nodding her head.

Am I the only one here who's not following?

"I don't like _women_" she continues, frowning at the last part "That would mean I could get all horny by just looking at..." she waves her hand, obviously looking for an example "I don't know, you" she finally says, pointing at me "What, with that hot little white swimsuit and all" she says, and I can't help it but blush at her comment "But I don't"

"So?" I ask "I'm not your type". Thank God!

"That's not it" she argues "I don't like _women_, I like _Haruka_. I'm in love with her, with who she is, not the _package_" she explains, again frowning at the end of the sentence.

"Hey!" the blonde exclaims, pouting.

"A really hot package I absolutely love" Michiru adds, winking at her girlfriend. "What really matters is the person, not the gender"

"So what? If she were a guy, you'd still be in love with her?" I ask. "Him?... whatever?"

Michiru frowns at the question "Well... there would be a few things I would miss if she were..." she says, smiling, and making my blonde leader blush like a true little tomato.

"But you're always drooling over pretty actresses and movie stars!" I exclaim, pointing an accusing finger at the tomato. I mean, Haruka!

"So?" she asks "I think Johnny Depp is pretty damn hot. Does that make me straight?"

"Uh, and George Clooney!" Michiru exclaims, smiling. Ok, I have to admit, I agree with them... but really...

"Edward Norton" Haruka adds, smiling too.

"Chris Evans!"

"Aw, come on!" the blonde exclaims, rolling her eyes at her girlfriend's last choice. "Flammable boy?"

"What? He has his moments..."

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask, looking at them back and forth, and frowning "What ever happened to Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley, Lindsay Lohan?"

"Hot, no boobs but still hot, and hell yeah, damn hot" Haruka interrupts, smiling and nodding her head. "Gotta love the redhead and all those freckles"

"Charlize Theron?" I ask, now looking at Michiru, knowing that's a rather drooling spot for her. And, hey! Yet another tall, short blonde haired woman, with blue-green eyes! What a coincidence...

"Oh, yes" she says, nodding her head too, and with her blue eyes big and shinny.

"So you guys go both ways?" I ask, not believing my own ears "Since when?"

"No, I only go that way" Haruka says, pointing at Michiru "Anyone else is just..."

"Candy treat for the eye every now and then?" Michiru ventures, smiling sheepishly.

"Something like that" the blonde mumbles, smiling, and tilting her head.

I just blink at them. I can't _believe _these two! And here I thought I was cured of the surprise factor!

"And you're actually ok with this?" I ask, looking at Haruka. I mean, she's always been kind of overprotective -meaning, jealous- whenever a guy even blinks on Michiru's direction!

"Well... yeah..." she mumbles, shaking her shoulder "I mean, as long as she doesn't go for sausage boy over there" she says, pointing at our -long forgotten- neighbor's direction.

"Oh, don't worry, baby" Michiru says, giggling, while standing up and going to Haruka's resting chair, practically sitting on the blonde's lap "He's just candy treat! For everything and _anything_ else, I've got _you_!" she exclaims, kissing her nose.

Haruka laughs at Michiru's antics, holding her close and kissing her lips.

I roll my eyes at them. "Just go upstairs already and leave me alone" I grunted. They even made me miss the show with this stupid argument!

I hear them laughing at me, and, again, I roll my eyes.

"Ok, fine!" Haruka exclaims "If it makes you feel any better, I'm a huge, down to the bone, twenty four seven, utterly gay woman! Happy now?"

"Yes!" I exclaim, hands up in the air. I mean, come on! They_ are _gay!

"I still think Johnny Depp is hot, though..."

Ok, I've had it with this damn -freaking gay!- blonde woman. I just snap!

"Oh, shut up!" I growl at her. I never growl. Never. But she's just... Gr! "Get out of here, both of you!" I exclaim, shoving my hands at them to make my point clear "Go play Pirates of the Caribbean and let me enjoy the rest of the show!" I exclaim, resting on the chair again and going back to my own spying game.

"What's the fun on sneaking around, when you just told us to?" Haruka asks, pouting. She's _pouting_. I swear, she's out to get on my nerves today...

I just decide I'm not gonna give her that satisfaction. Although choking the life out of her right about now would be more of a satisfaction to me, than to her... But then there's this whole treason thing when killing a Senshi, and me being one as well... Way too much bureaucratic, boring trials I'm not in the mood to face.

So, instead, I just ignore her.

"Ok, fine!" she exclaims, apparently taking the hint. "But if I hear one word out of your mouth, complaining about the noise..."

I smile at her, taking my cellphone from the resting table beside me and plugging the earphones. Putting them on, and turning the MP3 feature on, I smile back at her.

Green eyes roll at me, and one aquamarine haired woman laughs, but I simply rest against the chair, letting my eyes travel back to my Adonis, I mean my neighbor. And as my gay friends get back inside the house, the sound of the first song comes to my ears, and I smile.

I always liked this song. And how appropriate!

I see my neighbor starting to do some sit ups, and my smile gets wider. I have to agree with Mr. Joe Cocker here; you can leave your hat on...


End file.
